Seniors and Adult Children Under One Roof: How to Succeed With This New Trend

Adult children are moving back home with mom and dad in record numbers these days. It’s often not the child’s choice, but rather as a result of circumstances, that parents and grown children find themselves as roommates once again.

The conditions that may force an adult child home include downsizing, divorce, the need to care for an aging parent, or money issues related to student loans or under- or unemployment. In 2010, the country’s college graduates owed an average of $25,250 in loans, according to CNN Money. That is 5 percent more than the class of 2009 owed. The unemployment rate for the 2010 class was 9.1 percent, the largest on record. Compare that to the 20.4 percent unemployment rate for people who didn’t go to college (College Access & Success Project on Student Debt, 2009).

No matter an adult child’s education level, debt loads are high and income opportunities are increasingly limited. Therefore, many adult children are moving back in with their parents out of necessity.

The movement to migrate back to mom and dad’s has been a few years in the making. Bankrate.com says that three-quarters of 2008 college graduates said they actually planned to move back in with their parents after graduation. In 2006, that figure was two-thirds, which is still a staggering number (Collegegrad.com).

“To a certain extent, it’s a sign of the economy,” says Certified Financial Planner Craig Skeels of Apex Wealth Management Group in Oxnard, Calif. “If it continues to be a prolonged recession with more cuts in jobs, we may see a lot more adult children moving back home than what we’re experiencing today.”

The adjustment for the parents and the adult child can certainly test the relationship. Mom and dad are at a new stage of their lives now compared to when the child was living at home before. If they aren’t already retired, they are perhaps, at the very least, used to the freedom of not having children around. The adult child may have anticipated being out on their own at this point, and it could feel unnatural to be back in mom and dad’s house. The latest census figures reveal that upwards of 80 million “empty nesters” are finding themselves with at least one grown child living at home. These adult children have been referred to as the “boomerang” generation.

Making the new living situation work
Both parties can make it work and even thrive if conversations and agreements occur before or at the beginning of the new living arrangement. Troublewith.com, a website of Focus on the Family, offers these tips for a smooth integration and to minimize conflict.

• Discuss the terms – The sooner that ground rules and expectations can be established from both sides, the better. This can occur even before moving day arrives. Examples include overnight guests, loud stereos, chores, meals and food.
• Don’t be afraid to ask questions – How long will the child be staying in the home? Is rent or a contribution to the household expenses a reasonable request? All relationships are better with good communication.
• Maintain a healthy relationship – Every situation is different, and some are quite complicated. Here are some tips for keeping the relationship intact:
  • Trust adult children to make wise choices. We all learn by making choices. The adult child needs to have the opportunity to make their own choices, even under the parents’ roof.
  • Try not to give advice unless it is solicited from the child. This may be difficult because the parent is aware of much more of the child’s life than it he or she were living outside the home. Again, the child needs the opportunity to grow on their own even though mom and dad are close by.
  • Communication is key. Regularly discuss how the situation is going. Everyone involved should be allowed to bring up issues, clarify expectations or simply clear the air.

Negotiate issues upfront and write them down if necessary. Fox Business News suggests creating a timetable for eventual financial independence. This can begin with fiscal responsibilities in relation to the household including food, utilities and gas for the car. Ultimately, the family needs to be on the same page and working toward a common goal. Fox Business News states in a comment to the parents, “Find the right balance between offering support and taking care of yourselves. You don’t need to fall back into the roles you each played during the years of active parenting –parents giving and the kids receiving. If the parents have been enjoying an empty nest, continue doing just that.”

Generally, the rules for the adult child will be very different than when they were growing up. As long as the grown child acts responsibly, such as holding a job, contributing financially or helping with meal preparation and household chores, he or she deserves the same liberty to come and go as any adult.

Respect for the personal boundaries and preferences of both sides is crucial to the success of this living situation. With predetermined boundaries, good communication and an agreement to revisit and, if necessary, adjust the arrangement along the way, parents and children can create a very comfortable home for all involved.

How to Get the Most Out of Support Groups: Seniors and Caregivers

When faced with life altering issues such as illness, death, and depression, seniors may find themselves in an unfamiliar position of dealing with heavy feelings and how to move forward. Perfectly capable adults who are distraught like never before may suddenly wonder what to do when confronted with overwhelming emotions.

Today’s seniors grew up in a time when people often didn’t share their feelings openly. It was not socially acceptable to disclose secrets of life-threatening illness or feelings of hurt or depression. However, today’s society is not only accepting of a person in a vulnerable state, but it also offers avenues for guiding that person to many types of support groups. Isolation is no longer necessary. Others are experiencing similar issues and are willing to share and provide a safe place to show up and ask for help.

Adult children or caregivers may often be the first line of defense when a senior is struggling. Family can be a good place to start to find support. Even seniors who are reluctant to share their emotions or feelings may seek help from their adult children or caregiver first. While that may be a good option for some people, it may also be a relief to find support outside the immediate circle of contacts.

When the adult child or the caregiver is ill-equipped to counsel the senior, or if they themselves need help, support groups may be the answer. Support groups are available for any ailment or situation. It just takes the willingness to participate and a little research to find the right one.

What is a support group?
The good news is that support groups exist for all kinds of ailments and situations. While many groups hold meetings in hospitals, churches, schools, homes, libraries, or community centers, others are available online. The Daily Strength website offers immediate access to anonymous support groups who meet online. People who are dealing with common types of issues come together and strengthen each other by sharing their feelings, experiences, and suggestions related to those issues and their own situation. Participants can relate to what others in the group are going through and therefore don’t feel alone.

Group leaders may be professional facilitators, such as nurses or psychologists, or peers may lead. It is up to the group members to decide what they are seeking from their leader. Trained facilitators offer a more professional approach to dealing with the issue at hand, while peer groups tend to offer more emotional support and a shared experience approach.

Additionally, support group participants often benefit from information shared during meetings. Genetic Health says that oftentimes people in support groups easily share information about medical treatments, research, and strategies for dealing with an ailment. Other helpful information can also include public policy, legal resources, privacy laws, protection from discrimination, and connections to financial assistance and scholarships. Uncovering this information on one’s own could take months with a concerted effort, but in a support group, that information is shared readily.

Tips for finding a support group

• Talk to your doctor or the hospital
• Ask friends who have gone through the same experience
• Search online for local meetings
• Check online for resources such as online support groups , blogs, or chat rooms that are focused on your issue
• Contact focused associations such as the American Cancer Society or Alzheimer’s Association.
• Another great resource for discovering the appropriate type of support is the Mental Health America website, which guides visitors to support groups. One may also visit the Mental Health America affiliate website, which is an excellent resource for support groups by state.

Characteristics of a good support group
While each person will seek something different from support groups, participants must ultimately feel comfortable attending meetings and sharing their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. The common characteristics that generally create a well-functioning group are:

• Prompt response to inquiries about the group
• Up-to-date and reliable information
• Strong leadership
• Access to professional advisors who align with the group’s interest
• A clearly stated and practiced “confidentiality policy”

The Mayo Clinic says that the benefits offered by support groups are unmatched and unlimited for a person struggling with an issue. People get something different out of the same meeting, depending on where they are in their experience and how willing they are to accept help. Benefits from joining and participating in a support group are:

·  Feeling less lonely, isolated, or judged

·  Gaining a sense of empowerment and control

·  Improving coping skills and adjustment

·  Engaging in an opportunity to talk openly and honestly about personal feelings

·  Reducing distress, depression, or anxiety

·  Gaining a clearer understanding of what to expect with one’s situation

·  Learning about new medical research

·  Getting practical advice or information about treatment options

·  Comparing notes about resources such as doctors and alternative options

Seniors who are dealing with new issues or issues that continue to plague their daily lives and hinder them from enjoying a productive life should investigate support groups. An adult child, caregiver, friend, or doctor can help find the right place for the senior to engage in getting help through the unique opportunity of support groups.

Adult children and caregivers also have access to support groups. Being responsible for a senior’s care can be frustrating, emotionally and physically draining, and overwhelming. People often need help, and sometimes that help is just a support group away from changing a life.

Combating the Pain from Shingles

Shingles is a serious infection for anyone, but especially for seniors. An estimated one million people in the United States get shingles each year, and most of those are age 50 and above (National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases). About one-third of the people who get shingles will develop serious complications, and the complications caused by shingles are increasingly more common after age 60 (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention). One in five of those inflicted with shingles will have pain that lingers long after the shingles episode is over (AfterShingles.com).

Your doctor can discuss the necessary steps to help prevent a shingles outbreak or minimize its severity. Because seniors are more at risk for acquiring shingles and are most acutely affected by a shingles episode, they should be aware of the signs and symptoms and the actions to take in case of an outbreak.

Shingles comes on very quickly and manifests itself as a painful rash of blisters, usually concentrated around either the left or right side of the torso. A person who has had chickenpox is more likely to develop shingles later in life because shingles is caused by the same varicella-zoster virus that evokes chickenpox. The virus lays dormant in the body after chickenpox has come and gone, but it can flare up at any time, returning as shingles. Shingles is more common in people with immune systems weakened by chemotherapy, radiation treatment, transplant operations, stress, and HIV infection.
Early detection and immediate treatment with medication are key to combating shingles. For best treatment results, a person should see a doctor at the first sign of shingles. The doctor can determine if blisters are shingles just by looking at them and will administer treatment right away. The initial symptoms of shingles are typically felt on only one side of the body or face. These signs are tingling, itching, and burning or shooting pain. A person may also experience achiness, headaches, fever and chills, and fatigue. A rash and fluid-filled blisters soon follow and remain for up to 14 days.

The condition of pain following a shingles episode is called postherpetic neuralgia (PHN) and can last for months or even years. In fact, a person has an increased chance of getting PHN as they age. A 50 year old has a 50 percent chance of developing PHN. An 80 year old has an 80 percent chance of developing PHN (Aftershingles.com).

The most common symptom of PHN is the acute sensitivity of the skin where the shingles rash occurred. The skin is hyper-sensitive to the lightest touch from clothing, a gentle breeze, or even a change in temperature. The affected area may also remain an abnormal temperature, appear discolored, sweat more, or lose muscle tone. Medications are effective in dealing with the pain associated with PHN.

To help a person keep track of the pain experienced after having shingles, Aftershingles.com offers this Pain Checklist and Discussion Guide. This is helpful information for a doctor to have when he or she begins treating the condition.

Complications can also occur when shingles appear on the face, which can lead to problems with hearing and vision. If the shingles infection gets into the eye through the eye’s ophthalmic nerve, damage can occur to the cornea, leading to temporary or permanent blindness.

No cure exists for shingles. It is not life threatening, but it is painful. Shingles must be treated with medication such as acyclovir, valacyclovir and famcyclovir. The sooner a person begins treatment, the better the chance that the severity and the length of the outbreak will be reduced and subsequently, that long-term pain associated with a shingles episode will be less as well.

The best line of defense against shingles is a vaccine injection, usually given in the upper arm.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends the shingles vaccine for people over age 60. It prevents the reactivation of the virus in the body, and while not 100 percent effective, the vaccine may reduce the intensity and length of a shingles outbreak. Medicare or other health insurance policies may not cover the vaccination, so check your policy for coverage.

According to the Mayo Clinic, the shingles vaccine is not recommended for people who:

 Have ever had a life threatening allergic reaction to gelatin, the antibiotic neomycin, or any other component of the shingles vaccine.
 Have a weakened immune system due to HIV/AIDS, lymphoma, or leukemia
 Are receiving immune-system-suppressing drugs such as steroids, adalimumab (Humira), infliximab (Remicade), etanercept (Enbrel), radiation, or chemotherapy
 Have active, untreated tuberculosis
 Are pregnant or trying to become pregnant

Medical experts estimate that the vaccine could prevent 250,000 cases of shingles annually, and another 250,000 cases would not be as severe (NIH: National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases).

A quick response to symptoms of shingles will make a big difference in how the infection progresses, the resulting pain and any complications. Ask your doctor about the shingles vaccination, and take control of preventing shingles.


Reprinted by Always Best Care Senior Services with permission from the Society of Certified Senior Advisors.

The Certified Senior Advisor (CSA) program provides the advanced knowledge and practical tools to serve seniors at the highest level possible while providing recipients a powerful credential that increases their competitive advantage over other professionals. The CSA works closely with Always Best Care Senior Services to help ABC business owners understand how to build effective relationships with seniors based on a broad-based knowledge of the health, social and financial issues that are important to seniors, and the dynamics of how these factors work together in seniors’ lives. To be a Certified Senior Advisor (CSA) means one willingly accepts and vigilantly upholds the standards in the CSA Code of Professional Responsibility. These standards define the behavior that we owe to seniors, to ourselves, and to our fellow CSAs. The reputation built over the years by the hard work and high standards of CSAs flows to everyone who adds the designation to their name. For more information, visit www.society-csa.com.

Always Best Care Senior Services

Always Best Care Senior Services (http://www.alwaysbestcare.com/us/ca/san-diego/san-diego.aspx) is based on the belief that having the right people for the right level of care means peace of mind for the client and family. Always Best Care Senior Services has assisted over 25,000 seniors, representing a wide range of illnesses and personal needs. This has established the company as one of the premier providers of in-home care, assisted living placement assistance, and skilled home health care.

Get Your Act Together -- Plan for Long Term Care

Here is a brief outline of the process of creating a long term care plan:

Providing Planning Documents and Instructions

Include sample planning documents to be given to family members or trusted advisers. This includes instructions regarding wishes pertaining to care preferences, wishes pertaining to end-of-life, wishes concerning preferred medical treatments, desires for disposition of property and instructions to the Care Advocate or Personal Care Representative. These instructions do not replace formal legal documents designed for the same purpose but will provide in one place the preferences further outlined in legal documents. Family should be referred to legal documents if they exist.

Determining a Care Advocate in Advance

 The Care Advocate or Personal Care Representative represents the interests of a loved one receiving care. This person could also be the caregiver, a child, a friend or a trusted adviser. This Care Advocate plays an important role in making caregiving decisions, in arranging funding for services, in arranging services and in coordinating care. The person could also be given responsibility with a power of attorney or as a representative.

Planning for End-Of-Life

Issues considered are preplanning of final arrangements, expressing wishes for a place to die and information and instructions for advance planning documents. Forms are provided for instructions on providing these services.

Preparing Legal Documents and End-Of-Life Arrangements

Detailed instructions on arranging estate planning documents and establishing various powers of attorney. We recommend using an attorney.

Providing Financial Information for Future Care Costs

This form is provided to the family with a listing of assets, income and insurance plans. Particular funding strategies for long-term care services are detailed.

Providing Copies of Checklists for All Involved in Care

 Each checklist provides specific instructions in a particular area of long-term care services or provider settings. These instructions allow the caregiver and/or the Care Advocate to make informed choices in choosing settings and services. The intent is to save these people a great deal of time, heartache, stress and money in choosing services and settings for the loved ones.

Making Your Wishes Known

This final step is the most important. No plan has value unless those involved in making the decisions are aware of it.

Always in Touch

Introducing Always in Touch - a free telephone reassurance program that provides a friendly voice each weekday for seniors and disabled adults. Always in Touch provides daily socialization and the reassurance that the senior "is not alone."

http://ping.fm/RU0M3

Always In Touch

Introducing Always in Touch....Anyone can fall or become ill during the night. If someone lives alone, a fall or illness during the night can be disastrous. Who will know? When will help come?

Introducing Always in Touch - an absolutely free telephone reassurance service sponsored by Always Best Care Senior Services.

We provide a daily "safety check" phone call and peace of mind to seniors who live alone.If you or a loved one would like to receive a free phone call every day, Monday thru Friday, contact us today!

http://www.always-in-touch.com/

For an interesting article:

Dementia Bingo: Easier to play, and it may help patients

http://ping.fm/Pfast